Payayil Iruthal: A Ritual of Grief, Memory, and Healing in the MannanCommunity

Among the many rich and diverse traditions of Mannan community of Kerala, Payayil

Iruthal (also Payel Iruthal) stands out as a deeply humane and spiritually resonant

mourning ritual. This unique practice honours the memory of a deceased spouse and

provides the surviving partner a sacred space for remembrance, grief, and eventual

healing.

A Ritual Spanning 7 long days

Payayil Iruthal is traditionally observed for three consecutive years following the

death of an individual. Each year, the surviving partner dedicates seven full days to

this ritual. During this period, they abstain from everyday activities and instead focus

solely on remembrance and spiritual connection.

The ritual begins with the laying down of a mat in a designated space within the

home. Alongside this mat, ritualistic pooja items are arranged with care. Symbolic

food offerings—including rice, curry, and coffee—are placed nearby to invite the

presence of the departed spirit. In some instances, a betel pack is also included,

reflecting the personal habits of the deceased. After lighting the lamp, A mat is

placed for honoring the spirit of the deceased. to occupy. It is believed that the

deceased individual’s presence will be occupied in this mat for the seven long days.

Solitude, Reflection, and Communal Support

The surviving partner must remain in this space for the entire week, abstaining from

all household responsibilities. They are only permitted to leave for toilet breaks or to

take part in brief stroll within the house premises. Meals are provided by family

members, reinforcing the communal nature of the grieving process.

During this time, men refrain from cutting their hair or shaving their beard, while

women remove their makeup and ornaments such as bindhi, bangles, earrings and

necklaces.

The simplicity and silence of the ritual space help create an environment conducive

to deep reflection and emotional processing.

Guidance by Community Elders

Elders within the Mannan community—such as the Kaanikkaran, Pullavashi,

Ilayaraja, or Raja—play a vital role in guiding the ritual. They ensure that every

aspect is conducted in accordance with tradition, offering instructions to both the

grieving partner and their family members on their responsibilities.

Flexibility in Modern Times

While tradition calls for this ritual to be observed over three years, shifts in lifestyle

and cultural practices have introduced a degree of flexibility. Families now have the

liberty to choose whether to continue the ritual for the full three years or to conclude

it after one or two years, depending on their circumstances.

Concluding the Ritual: Releasing the Spirit

At the end of the seven days, community elders return to the home to mark the

conclusion of the ritual. The mat reserved for the spirit is shaken vigorously three

times — a symbolic act that signifies the release of the spirit from the home.

The grieving partner is then accompanied by their in-laws and community members

to the graveyard of the deceased. Here, further prayers are offered, and the partner

cries briefly as a ceremonial act.

Prayers are made to ensure that spirit leaves to the after world and stays there. This

is referred to as ‘vaayathuka’ or ‘vaakk mooli kodukuka’ in the Mannan language.

The spirit is further instructed only to return for help and guard only when called for.

Return to Life and Celebration

After returning from the graveyard, the partner bathes to signify the conclusion of the

mourning period. This is followed by a meaningful gesture of renewal, where a sister-

in-law or close relative presents a saree and happily helps the partner wear bangles,

earrings, a necklace, and flowers, marking the return to everyday life.

The ritual, which began in solemnity and grief, culminates in Kalavvoottu—a vibrant

community celebration that embraces life and joy. It serves as a powerful reminder of

how sorrow transforms into strength and how tradition paves the path to healing.